hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Randomize
