I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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