and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
