4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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