Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize