Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
