When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
