to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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