we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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