On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
wow bdsm is so cute
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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