The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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