I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
