I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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