Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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