Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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