Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
