she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
