Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize