I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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