your parents love me but you hate me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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