so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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