U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
