he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
