So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My life is pants optional.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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