First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize