I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
