Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I want to have your abortion
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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