now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
