can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
