How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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