Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
