Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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