This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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