He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
