Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Duck Duck Cougar?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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