You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
