I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can I color on your dick again?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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