He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
