He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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