well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
