my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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