i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
