i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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