talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
