So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
