how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
