if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
