I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
