just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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