I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
