You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
