He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
