i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
