Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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