Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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