So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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