Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
