the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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