The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
