come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My penis needs a shock collar
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
