Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
