It's like God shit irony all over that family
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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